Hazel McHaffie


Cross inside churchThe first time I died, I didn’t see God.
No light at the end of the tunnel. No haloed angels. No dead grandparents.
To be fair, I probably wasn’t a solid shoo-in for heaven. But, honestly, I kind of assumed I’d make the cut.
I didn’t see any fire or brimstone either.
Not even an endless darkness. Nothing.
One moment I was clawing at the ice above, skin numb, limbs burning. Then everything – the ice, the pain, the brightness filtering through the surface of the lake – just vanished. And then I saw the light.
A man in white who was decidedly not God stuck a penlight into each eye, once, twice, and pulled a tube the size of a garden hose from my throat. He spoke like I’d always imagined God would sound, smooth and commanding. But I knew it wasn’t God because we were in a room the color of custard, and I hate custard. Also, I counted no less that five tubes running through me. I didn’t think there’d be that much plastic in heaven.

Delaney Maxwell is 17 when she falls through a frozen lake and is trapped under the ice for eleven minutes; brought out as dead. A friend resuscitates her and somehow miraculously she survives, but she is not the girl she once was. The medical evidence points to brain damage; the lived reality is that she has a heightened awareness for impending death – ‘a knowledge, a sense, a purpose‘. But is her brain predicting the deaths or causing them? Whichever it is, when she responds to this irresistible extra sense pulling at her, she feels a great urge to try to stop the decline/accident/death, to save the person’s life. ‘I’d want to live. I’d want to try.

Troy Varga’s attitude is different. He was 19 and driving when he was involved in a terrible road collision in which both parents and his sister died. He ended up in a coma for three days himself; he too recovered against the odds. Like Delaney, he now has a sixth sense for death and even works in an assisted living facility. But he is still haunted by the memory of his sister wanting to be put out of her misery, and his powerlessness to help her. Now he wants to assist people to die, especially those who ‘don’t have the guts to do it themselves. They want to, but they can’t.

As you can see, the subject matter is very much in my line of work. Which is why I bought this book, Fractured, by Megan Miranda. I must confess the writing style isn’t really my bag (not her fault) but I did find the thinking behind the story intriguing: If I had the power to influence life and death, which way would I go? And as you know I like a book that challenges me.Thinking about a solution

Delaney also questions what it is to be human. The frozen lake has taken so much – her friendship with her lifelong pal Decker, her humanity, nearly her life. Her parents have changed because of her. Sometimes she even wonders just how alive she really is. She asks the doctor: ‘What makes me human, then?’ His reply? ‘We are the only species aware of our own mortality. We are the only ones who want to know why we live and why we die.‘ Hmmm.


True to her own desire to fight for life, Delaney initially tries to warn people of their impending death and help save them, but the results are problematic and she’s forced to accept that she can’t. What’s more, she comes to realise that death is ‘not the worst thing that could happen‘. Living on in an insentient body, living with a heavy burden of guilt, prolonging pain and indignity, these are a form of entrapment, a version of hell.

Her focus changes to facilitating the best experience during the time that is left.

If you had just one day left, what would you want to do with it, I wonder?



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