Hazel McHaffie

Girls Online

Lessons from the receiving end

You’ve probably all read about the young video fashion blogger, Zoella, whose book, Girls Online, was a runaway best seller last month. And the subsequent furore over the revelation that she used a ghost-writer. Hmmm. Well, I want to assure you that this blog post has actually been my own unaided work in spite of the traumas of the week. Apologies for the absence of illustration but I’ve been rather otherwise occupied.

Three days ago I was admitted to hospital as an emergency and kept in; I’ve just been discharged this afternoon. With a lot of time on my hands and being on the receiving, not giving, end I had plenty of leisure to analyse what makes for the kind of caring that I would rate as good.

thinking Things it is not: steaming through tasks to meet targets without a care for the person in the bed; a patronising or condescending attitude; crashing metal bin lids all night long; omitting smiles and random acts of kindness from the care plan; leaving the patient feeling they are an unwelcome intrusion; loud conversations between staff at all hours of the night.

thinkingThings it is: human kindness in word and demeanour; showing the utmost respect for even the most trying of patients; adding a smile to the mix; according the patient the benefit of some understanding of their condition; a word of true sympathy for those in pain or unable to sleep. How I wish I’d appreciated these things so clearly when I was on the vertical, clothed end of the partnership!

From the horizontal position I saw evidence of the excellent and the not so shining. I loved the consultant who sat at eye level with her patients and exuded warmth and bonhomie wherever she went. I admired the skill of the expert who could cut away the humbug of weeks and get to the kernel of the problem. I was amazed by the lightning speed one care assistant could get through showers and bed-making and serving meals. But I’d like to single out three people for special mention.

Two were medical students who were dispatched to take my history on the first day. They not only took great care to elucidate accurate facts, they were totally sympathetic and respectful, treating me as an equal, a partner in the business of making me well again. And they even popped back several times to see how I was faring, to check if I needed any further information. They showed inherent human kindness and empathy. Our future is safe in their hands.

The third was a student nurse who was especially sensitive to the feelings of all she came into contact with. Intuitively she seemed to know just how to make everyone feel valued and supported – even the most irritating and difficult patients. She took the time to sit with the frail and frightened; she followed up requests; she thanked the patient for their part in exchanges.

So what was the key to the excellence of these three young professionals? Warmth, grace, humility and true empathy with people – worth so much when you’re feeling ill and vulnerable. Almost everyone else in the teams had more knowledge and experience and technical know-how (and of course, we need our healers to possess these skills), but these ‘learners’ stood out for me. Because they took the time to see and indeed value the real person in the bed. I devoutly hope our medical systems don’t evolve to train or force this natural people-skill out of our doctors and nurses of the future. It could be said of one very experienced and senior person I met: ‘He doesn’t do emotion’. I could respect his wisdom but I felt intimidated and somehow guilty in his presence. By contrast, in the hands of those two medical students, at the other end of the food chain, I felt understood and valued.

But enough of this … it’s been a long and taxing day. I’m delighted to report that after two months of incapacitating problems I’ve now been given the correct diagnosis; I’m on the right treatment; I am hoping not to need to report health issues ever again. I might even get back to writing my novel once more ere long! What’s not to celebrate?

 

 

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