A tribute

16 September 2010 Hazel , 2

I hope you’ll forgive a one-off indulgence: an entirely personal post on a blog normally devoted to matters bookish and ethical.

My much-loved mother passed away on Friday, and I want to pay a special tribute to her influence and support … although, I have to confess, she’d be horrified if she knew. (My first rebellion as an orphan!) But I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her.

She grew up in a different era and knew great hardship, but she was a woman of incredible resourcefulness and stamina. As a form of therapy, after a series of strokes robbed her of some of her independence, I started asking her to recount experiences from her long life. She responded with enthusiasm, giving me such a wealth of information that it was enough for a book to be written in time for her ninetieth birthday. It was only in assembling all this information that I came to have an understanding of just how much she had overcome to create the opportunities and advantages that we, her family, enjoyed.

It’s because she always expected nothing less that the absolute best from all of us (I’m one of six) that we are all driven, obsessive characters (hard to live with, I know!). But that determination and persistence has also stood us in good stead when the temptation has arisen to give up on projects or jobs. When it’s inbuilt, you can’t just abandon ship.

Mum was loathe to praise us (she saw it as a form of pride), but underneath that control she remained our staunch supporter. In my own case, she took an ongoing interest and delight in my career, so much so that she made a huge effort to overcome the problem of partial blindness (following her first two strokes) in order to read my books. In fact, I gave three of them to her in manuscript form so that she could pick up one page at a time and position them to optimal advantage. And even after a year of increasing disability, she was back to ‘practising’ reading, in readiness for my sixth novel, which came out in March. Sadly, she didn’t manage it, but in a way Remember Remember is itself a tribute to her, since it’s about a mother and daughter living with Alzheimer’s (she developed vascular dementia in this her last year).

My sister, brothers and I had the enormous privilege of staying with her day and night during her last week of life. She was reassured and comforted by our touch and our voices, just as we had been by hers over so many years. I salute her generosity, her high moral code, her example. I thank her for all the love, care, support and indulgence shown throughout my life.

If you still have a mother, treasure her!

Confession time A plague on platitudes!