Billy Wilder
Classy insults
If you love clever use of words these classy insults from a former era might tickle your fancy and brighten your day when the news is grim and the weather forecast is on the highest alert.
George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill:
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”
Winston Churchill:
“Cannot possibly attend first night, I will attend the second … If there is one.”
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
“Sir, you will either die on the gallows, or of some unspeakable disease.”
Disraeli:
“That depends, Sir, whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
Walter Kerr:
“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Clarence Darrow:
“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”
William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway:
“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”
Moses Hadas:
“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”
Mark Twain:
“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
Oscar Wilde:
“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”
Stephen Bishop:
“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
John Bright:
“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”
Irvin S. Cobb:
“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”
Samuel Johnson:
“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Paul Keating:
“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Charles, Count Talleyrand:
“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”
Forrest Tucker:
“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”
Mark Twain:
“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mae West:
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Oscar Wilde:
“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Andrew Lang:
“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts … for support rather than illumination.”
Billy Wilder:
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
Groucho Marx:
“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
Winston Churchill:
‘He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”
Sometimes it’s enough just to have a good laugh.
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- “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
– Mae West
- “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
– Oscar Wilde
- “He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… For support rather than illumination.”
– Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
- “He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”
– Billy Wilder
- “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.”
– Groucho Marx.
22.”He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”