Hester Velmans
Guilt and grief
For those of you who don’t know much about me, death and grief were subjects I studied for many years in my professional career. So I was instantly intrigued by the blurb about the novel Without Mercy by acclaimed Dutch author Renate Dorrestein (translated by Hester Velmans).
Franka and Phinus have the perfect marriage. Until one single senseless act loses them their only child, the perfect teenager Jem. And loses them their ability to talk to each other. Franka loses her power to sleep, and Phinus his former gentleness, combating his grief and secret guilt with obsessive thoughts of revenge.
Phinus was an orphan from an early age brought up by two elderly aunts, and tales of his childhood are woven alongside those of Jem’s early years. Franka’s first husband, Jem’s father, died in a car accident before their son was born and Phinus has been the only father Jem knows. He adores the boy. Jem’s death in a senseless shooting sends both parents into a spiral of grief and despair and they eventually decide to go away for a break together to try to retrieve something of their old close relationship. But things don’t go at all to plan.
It’s a literary novel but one that I actually understood and valued. Wahey! A triumph in itself!
Clearly identifiable and authentic aspects of grief include the problems of …
parents grieving at different speeds and in different ways
living with endless painful reminders
the impossibility of saying the right thing
the clash of different grieving strategies
haunting and corrosive guilt and regret
misinterpretation of words and behaviours
lashing out
self- damage
finding a pathway to acceptance of irreversible loss.
On the other hand, I wasn’t personally convinced by some of Phinus’ wildest behaviours -–sexual or violent – and I regretted the number of threads left unresolved. But it is beautifully written/translated.
In perfectly chosen expressions Dorrestein captures the ongoing sense of unreality:
waiting behind every door was the shock of emptiness
And the knock-on effect:
ruined lives – the ripple effects – circle upon concentric circle
I loved the description of two teenagers Phinus encountered on a bridge:
graffiti made flesh
Overall then, a moving book full of thought-provoking challenges about fathomless loss and never-ending yearning following the death of a child.