With the End in Mind
With the End in Mind
It’s not often that I find a book of which I can say, I love everything about it. But With the End in Mind is one such. It’s a particular treasure too, given that it’s the last in my pile on death and dying, a topic I’m researching for a forthcoming presentation.
The author, Kathryn Mannix, is one of those people I would love to have sitting beside me at a long dinner! She positively oozes wisdom and experience and humility and compassion and empathy.
She’s worked as a cancer care doctor, a palliative care consultant, and a qualified Cognitive Behaviour therapist. Impeccable credentials for a book which is aimed at helping people become more familiar with the process of dying, to feel comforted and inspired, to be less afraid and more inclined to discuss their own dying. It’s a profoundly moving book, full of wisdom and softness and perceptiveness, beautifully written and haunting in its impact.
Dr Mannix uses stories to illuminate the lessons about life and death – composites of people she has encountered in her long career, but she renders each one totally three dimensional and real. Whether they are young or old, inherently likeable or initially rather demanding or difficult, this doctor respects and cares for them as precious individuals of infinite worth. I shed tears; I felt grateful; I looked deeply into my own experiences as a health care clinician and researcher; and I was challenged to re-consider my own ideas about death.
She has reminded me of the importance of active listening, or not making assumptions, of slowing down to walk alongside those who are suffering, to start where they are.
I was nearing the end of this book when a friend who was jointly-with-his-wife responsible for designing and maintaining this very website died in the early hours of Wednesday morning last week. He leaves behind a grieving wife and a devastated young primary-school-age daughter. I can only hope he was looked after by someone as special and wonderful as Kathryn Mannix. And I echo the words of one of the elderly women Kathryn cared for, a woman with multiple pathologies: ‘If I could, I would give some of my years to younger people‘ – in my case to Tim. If only it were a transferable asset. All I can do is thank him publicly for his kind and expert help and service over the years, and surround Keren and Elizabeth with love, compassion and care.